If you’re a new parent, or even a seasoned one, you have undoubtedly approached year two with trepidation! This season of your child’s development is both wild and wonderful, bringing with it possible adventures in potty training, along with epic meltdowns, and a newfound desire for independence. The good news is, it isn’t all terrible! In fact, with a little insight, a sprinkle of humor, and some smart strategies on board, you might just rebrand this phase from terrible to terrific!
Here at Wishing Well, we love engaging with all our two-year-olds as they experience an explosion of growth during this especially magical phase of development!
Teachable: What you need to know about what your child is learning
Two-year-olds are undergoing a cognitive and emotional explosion. Their motor coordination is progressing quickly as they master skills like running, climbing, and stacking, while their language skills grow almost overnight . At the same time they are progressing in motion and language, their emotional regulation lags behind, causing mood swings, frustration, and defiance. So how do we help our little ones who are wanting to test out all their new skills, but are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted as they grow?
We can help our kids if we better understand what’s going on in their bodies and brains, leading to exasperating behaviors. The more we know about what they are experiencing, the more compassion we will have for their outbursts. Informed expectations help us parents stay regulated and not lash out when our kids need help regulating their own big emotions.
What if we reframe this special developmental year as the “teachable twos,” for you and your child! It is a time for connection with your child, not control. Equipped with new knowledge, perhaps you may find the Two’s less “terrible” and more “transformational.”
Temper Tantrums, Rapid Mood changes, and frequent “No’s!
Emotional outbursts occur because your two-year-old is asserting new independence. They are beginning to understand that they are separate, or autonomous, from you, but they don’t have the brain development to understand why mom and dad need to say no. They also lack the emotional regulation to handle the disappointment.
Two-year olds are constantly testing boundaries as they explore their new-found independence. They want to know where they end and you begin. Consistent and loving boundaries are needed to keep them safe, but it’s important to give them some choices to help promote their autonomy. As their personal identity is emerging, they are discovering that their likes, dislikes, fears and abilities are different from those around them.
Frustration from limited words
You might also see your child get incredibly frustrated when trying to communicate. This occurs because their little minds understand more than they are able to express in words. Practicing patience, using encouraging speech and body language and continuing to “give them words,” can go a long way. Help your two-year old feel heard as they wrestle to find the words to connect to you.
Transformational: How you can help your Terrific Two thrive!
Below are some simple strategies that can help you and your two year old navigate the challenges that come during this rapid developmental stage.
- Offer simple choices (e.g., “Red shirt or blue shirt?”) This helps give a sense of control to your child while maintaining your authority.
- Maintain routines. Predictability soothes uncertainty and decreases tantrums. Kids like to know what’s coming next.
- Use calm, positive communication. Try speaking in the affirmative. For example, instead of saying “Don’t run,” tell your child, “Walk.” Two-year olds have a hard time figuring out what “not to do,” so tell them what you want them to do instead.
- Mirror emotions. Remember that frustration with lack of words? Give your kids the gift of words to express their emotions: “You’re upset because your block fell.” This validates feelings and builds trust.
- Be consistent and fair. As best you can, offer a balanced, authoritative approach. Giving clear limits with warmth is the sweet spot.
- Make the environment toddler‑friendly and playful. Offering a safe, “child-sized” space for your kids to play freely helps promote autonomy and independence while reducing rebellion. Think “freedom within limits.”
- Pick your battles. When possible, say yes! The second year of life can quickly turn into a “no fest,” as you feel the need to limit your child for his or her safety, and stop unwanted behavior. Soon, you hear them echoing the mantra, “no, no, no!” Try giving in to little requests when it is safe and within reason, in order to create a positive spiral instead!
A Bright Future
So there you have it! The “Terrible Two’s” don’t have to be so terrible afterall. Though the behaviors during this stage can be challenging, you and your child can navigate them together, equipped with understanding, empathy, and some helpful strategies.
We hope you will let us join you on the adventure of watching your two-year old grow into a confident and capable three-year old!